there are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

1. pick a flower
2. plant a seed
3. hug someone
4. breathe
5. paint the sky
6. really, really look at an orchid
7. smile at a stranger
8. ask a question
9. sit in the sun
10. roll in the hay
11. jump into a pool fully clothed
12. wear a tiara to the market
13. write a pen pal
14. take samba lessons
15. dance on a grave
16. put glitter on something
17. buy a yo-yo
18. learn to write calligraphy
19. get a tattoo
20 regret it
21. forgive yourself
22. witness a birth
23. test your limits
24. fingerpaint
25. race the wind
26. learn a foreign language
27. pedal downhill as fast as you can
28. say thank you
29. eat sushi
30. count the stars
31. learn yoga. or square dancing.
32. frame your baby pictures
33. read To Kill a Mockingbird
34. write poetry with chalk on the sidewalk
35. read Leaves of Grass aloud
36. sing the national anthem
37. believe in art
38. dissect a frog
39. get lost in the library
40. masturbate
41. blow a rasberry on someone's belly
42. know the meaning of fear
43. allow yourself to hurt
44. accept personal responsiblity
45. relinquish sin
46. laugh while crying
47. read the dictionary
48. bake an apple pie
49. work until you sweat
50. pick up a hitchhiker
51. have meaningless sex
52. regret it
53. make something out of play-doh
54. blow bubbles
55. sit in the waiting room of a hospital
56. smell a baby
57. listen to a nest of baby birds
58. shoot a gun
59. watch raindrops slide down glass
60. learn a trade
61. contemplate string theory
62. drive in a storm
63. dance naked
65. make a snowman
66. honor truth
67. get your hands dirty
68. feed the hungry
69. appreciate comfort
70. listen to a cat purr
71. gaze at the horizon
72. smell rain in the air
73. stare at the second hand on a clock
74. remember when
75. share a favorite book with someone
76. view a skyline
77. define joy
78. giggle over an inside joke
79. sleep on a beach
80. say a mantra
81. spend an entire day in a museum
82. collect seashells or rocks or hugs
83. remember what the first and last days of school felt like
84. ride a rollercoaster
85. press your palms together
86. do a back flip
91. curl up into the fetal position
92. buy an antique
93. adopt a kitten
94. save a bug's life
95. genuflect
96. hold someone's hand
97. listen to an aria
98. hum a tune
99. ask questions
100. smile

things are beautiful. sage is growing up so fast. she loves it at her aftercare daycare. here's a picture ofher with her friends.

it's been a while since i've written here. i'll just touch on the highlights of things that have occurred since my last entry

- i got a job that i love even though it's unfortunately only half-time. i work at spring creek elementary (in the richardson school district) in the library. schools in risd that have an enrollment of less than 300 only have a half-time librarian. i'm there the other half of the week. it's such a wonderful school. i do not make enough money, but i'm going to try to get another part time job (maybe cvs? maybe a bookstore?), and i'm hoping that another part-time risd position opens up. that'd be ideal.

- hurricane katrina has devastated my family. all my family in st. bernard parish have lost everything. i think those two sentences pretty much sum up the tragedy.

- sage is thriving in first grade at richland elementary. she is doing great in school and seems to be utterly adjusted. i have her in a daycare (aftercare) for a little bit each day after school. it's a place called little scholars and it's in this woman's home two houses down from the school. i'm so completely happy with the situation. joey has agreed to pay half of the tuition.

- christopher and i are wonderful. our little family is doing very fine, thank you. life is pretty damned good.

job hunting sucks ass. i don't take very well to rejection. i've had it with public libraries and independent school districts. i'm too good for them anyway. if barnes and noble doesn't hire me, i'm going to kick someone in the shin very, very forcefully.

saturday evening. he's on the bed playing the guitar and singing. sage is in her room creating something magical from paper, silver glitter, and glue. i'm in the living room watching tv and reading the sunday paper. i've never been so happy.

i can't believe sage is a first grader.

whenever i get really disappointed or angry with myself, i try to remember how cute and vulnerable i was when i was a little girl. it's trite, but it works for me. i've been thinking a lot lately about my childhood. i was not physically or sexually abused by any family members as a child. what i'm growing to understand is how pervasive and harmful the emotional NEGLECT was and how it still affects me as an adult. i have to filter all perceptions of my relationships as an adult through a very cloudy lens. i think the next step is forgiving them for what they didn't provide and forgiving myself for being flawed. i'll get there. one day.