i have this new book called how to hold a crocodile: plus hundreds of other practical tips, fascinating facts, and wicked wisdom. it's pretty awesome. i highly recommend it. i also have an extra copy due to weird circumstances, so odds are if i owe you a gift anytime soon, you'll be sitting on the toilet reading this baby sometime soon.

i really hate popeye. why do i hate popeye so much?

i'm convinced the polaroid izone is the funnest thing since hula hoops were invented. well, really it goes back longer than that because i just remembered that hula hoops are not in any way even remotely fun.

i was talking to heidi today about the rhythms of language and writing. we said some pretty profound things, but i refuse to share with the class.

mama said i never did play well with others.

i made an apple and pear cobbler last night. i don't care if i used bisquick for the dough, it was still freaking good. i used fresh apples and pears, nothing from a can. i wiiiiiiin.

i wouldn't be terribly sad if my uterus just fell out one day. i'm so tired of the pain and the woes. tired of it, i say.

WOO sugar rush!

days like today don't come too often. thank god for small favors. also, pie.

things have been surreal today. like, really freaking surreal. like chyna and mini-me surreal. okay, that was stretching it a bit.

i need to be cleaning and being otherwise productive. i am immobilized, however, by cramps. oh the joys of being female. thank god for multiple orgasms.